So many feelings

Today is Wednesday, August 28th. Today is the first day of school.  Casey is sad.  It's the first day time he doesn't return to school with everyone as he has done for 20 (well preschool and kindergarten may have had different start dates) years.  He didn't always like or cooperate with school work but he sure loved going.  He loved the commotion and the attention and just being around the kids, staff and teachers.

Today Colin would have/should be, started/starting his post grad year #1. I *think* we would have had him continue as a post grad like Casey did. Although, Casey physically went to the high school and Colin did 99% of his school from home.  Casey also loves to learn.  Colin was a reluctant learner, lol.  Some things interested him more than others, of course.  He was really starting to enjoy cooking and art projects and he was convinced that he should have won at the Science Fair :)   But, there was so much more we could have done with his communication and his expressing his thoughts/feelings, etc.  Not sure what it would have looked like around here.  Since Casey is done with school, he is home. Of course he goes out and has appointments, we do fun things and occasionally he goes to Howard for activities but much of the time he is home.  I can't quite imagine Colin being cooperative with school stuff while Casey was in the next room!!

All this thinking makes me sad. Colin being gone is certainly huge all the time, and gives me such a heartache, especially on what should be a milestone day.

Casey is sad, too, but I didn't harp on the fact that it was the first day of school.  He was aware that it was coming up, of course, but I never actually told him which day it was.

A couple of weeks ago, he expressed interest in buying some groceries for the Milton Family Center.  He has done it several times before.  For some reason, Casey is concerned that people get enough to eat.  He's always telling us to eat. He has zero interest in trying foods, so who knows.  Anyway, the Family Center was also looking for donations of school supplies.  I thought it would be good to shop for both.  Well, Staci, Casey and I went into Dollar General to shop.  Someone was NOT cooperative.  He would say Casey back.  Casey school, etc.  He was loud and not a good picker outer.  But we got through it.  Staci and I had both already picked up some supplies so we added the new stuff to the stuff we bought today and headed to the Family Center.  I asked for Kelly and she came out and made a big deal about Casey :) We will miss her as she is retiring and leaving the state to live with family in Georgia.

So this really showed us how Casey was feeling about his school life chapter ending :(  I hope we can make his next chapter stimulating and fun.

And let me tell you, I have those feelings, too.  It's been weird, these past 6 months, with Casey not in school.  I could kind of pretend that it was a long summer break, but now, when back to school time is, it hits.  I've spent a lot of my time with some sort of connection with the school--meetings, emails, baking for meetings, composing letters, thinking about curriculum, behavior and behavior plans, scheduling, etc.  I used to go to school with Colin some days as well as the meetings, etc.  And I spent countless hours with him on 'TV school' when he was home bound.  Now it's done.  All gone.  No more.  Such a big part of my life that has an end.  It leaves me feeling a little ungrounded so I can imagine how Casey feels.  I couldn't wait to be done with high school and move out and start college.  Casey doesn't have that.  Didn't have that to look forward to. I hope we can keep his mind and spirit happy and growing.